Monday, December 10, 2007

Jurassic farce...

Ask yourselves this: is the ability to Make Up Stuff That Is Not True and write about it for popular entertainment an appropriate qualification for holding forth on issues of global importance? Michael Crichton thinks so, and unfortunately it would appear that he is right.

The ability to ignore glaring facts and remake reality in a more compliant image - so valuable when writing science-fiction novels - is among the skills required of a first-rate propagandist: just ask L. Ron Hubbard [1].

It didn't matter that Crichton's stories about reintroducing dinosaurs using DNA preserved in amber were full of the most appalling bilge, because they were clearly just stories (and not terribly good stories at that, although I admit that the first film was a lot of fun). It does, however, matter rather a lot that his new stories are just as full of nonsense and just as guilty of ignoring the facts; because his new stories are about real issues and not as apparently fictional.

Ryan Somma, who submitted this particular LOLquack, will tell you all about it.

Cheers, Ryan!

[1] Yes, that's right, he's dead: but that ought not to prevent him from answering, given his extraordinary abilities and complete lack of need for a body.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Homeopathic truth in press releases

I have been very lax recently. More than one person has been so good as to submit LOLquack material in the past couple of weeks and I haven't managed to post it; an unforgiveable lapse on my part. In an effort to begin remedying this deficiency, I present the first of a number of images sent to me by jdc, this one apparently via Gimpy's blog, although I haven't been able to find the pic there!

Do go and have a look at the story surrounding their latest press release. The Society of Homeopaths are a mendacious bunch of bastards as a matter of course, but they've really excelled themselves this time. For an interesting insight into the crazy world of backstabbing quack politics and the position occupied by the Society of Homeopaths therein, try this.

Submitted by jdc

Thursday, November 15, 2007

OMG! Orful Poo Laydee be bothrin mah kitteh!

Yeah, we've been far too serious recently. Thankfully, troubledjoe has dropped by to lighten the mood with this poor li'l kitteh...

I actually hesitated to post this one. Not on the grounds of taste; after all, anyone who prods around in other people's faeces for a living in order to make spurious diagnoses and who sells very expensive kits to let people do the same for themselves would hardly balk at doing the same to family pets... and of course, that's what worries me.

Should any of the major players in nutribollocks woo-mongering set eyes on this, they might realise that there's a relatively untapped market out there for animal nutrimysticism, and then no litter tray would be safe and I'd have that on my conscience forever.

Do I really want to be responsible for "You Are What You Eat... And So Is Your Pet!" - where some basket-case with a mail-order PhD tries to persuade a Rottweiler to forego the unhealthy meat-based diet that makes its poo smell so bad in favour of organic lentil and celeriac casserole?

Hmmm... maybe that's not such a bad idea after all.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Magik watuh onli wurk with magik wurdz

You don't want that to happen, now do you? After all, if the labels were swapped over, there'd be no way anyone could tell which remedy was in which bottle. And that's straight from the mouth of Kate Chapman of the Society of Homeopaths. I mean, instead of dosing yourself with drops of water from Bottle A, you could end up dosing yourself with... OTHER water from Bottle B. The consequences are unimaginable.

So, if you believe that maybe, just maybe, telling people that you can protect them from fatal diseases with magic water might not be a clever thing to do; if you consider that ministering to sufferers from diseases such as AIDS and malaria with witchcraft whilst promoting the idea that "conventional" remedies for these conditions is poisoning the patients is perhaps just a tad unwise; if you are a UK resident who is concerned that state funding for superstitious mediaeval nonsense by one of the richest nations in the world is helping to promulgate a dangerous ignorance and ultimately resulting in preventable deaths in 3rd-world countries... SIGN THIS PETITION TODAY!

Monday, November 12, 2007

New hope for EMS sufferers!

Up 'til now, you would have had to spend an absolute fortune on all sorts of strange devices (that don't freakin' do anything) in order to find some relief from the symptoms of Electromagnetic Sensitivity... but not any more! LOLQuacks takes pleasure in demonstrating a wholly natural and effective remedy for this most pernicious of ailments:

Problem solved! We can encourage our children to eat healthily and at the same time mitigate against the dreadful effects of Evil Wireless Death Rays in our schools... what a result!

Submitted by Persiflage

Thursday, November 8, 2007

In His infinite compassion, Jesus said...

Jehovah's Witnesses - you've gotta love 'em.

Here's an excellent blog post on this tragic story.

And yes, I've probably gone too far... but lest ye think me completely lacking in any fellow-feeling, there is a resource for ex Jehovah's Witnesses and those JW's who are having trouble dealing with the issues raised by their faith that you can find by clicking HERE

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Introducing this week's Special Guest Star

The pleasure and the pain of starting up a site like this is that when people send you stuff, you find yourself introduced to a whole new world of of painful agenda-led bad science and fakery. I hadn't even heard of today's LOLquack subject until the pic was submitted, but it's time to introduce you to...

Steven Milloy! Tobacco and oil-industry stooge, global warming denialist and campaigner for the rights of big business, he is the founder of JunkScience, a website dedicated to the proposition that anyone who considers anthropogenic global warming to be a reality is in fact an environmental terrorist hell-bent on destroying Truth, Justice and the American Way.


Further to this, Mr. Milloy has created a competition for anyone who can scientifically prove that global warming is a reality. He's even putting up $125,000 of his own money as a prize.

Sounds like the heartfelt advocacy of a true believer prepared to put his money where his mouth is, wouldn't you say? Well, don't bet on it!

Thanks to Ryan Somma for this submission, for furthering my education, and for adding yet another person to the list of bad-science advocates that I lose sleep over...

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Quackwalrus... is not amused

It's my site: I'll mix as many damn memes as I want to!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

There is no spoon...

No site dedicated to quacks, crackpots and charlatans would be complete without a visit from the Amazing Israeli Spoon-Bender, and here he is!

(I have twelve thousand lawyers on standby.)

Submitted by Heraldis - nice one!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lassie is yesterday's news

Alright, so it isn't a LOLquack but when did that ever matter? Go to Cectic to read more - you won't regret it!

Monday, October 22, 2007

I'm sensing a disturbance in... your wallet

Submitted by Persiflage

When I get that feelin', I want... Reiki healing!

Submitted by lecarnardnoir - thanks!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Hang on... HOW toxic are you?!

Ah, the lovely Sarah Beeny - SHE knows what's good for you, and it's everything "natural" and honest, rather than those nasty man-made chemicals that are making us all so toxic. So, party on down with the herbs and stay away from the chemicals; I've got a nice aloe-vera-and-aconite face cream waiting just for you...

Submitted by domino

You are feeling verrrrry... gullible....

Submitted by grumpyolddog - and destined to become a classic, I feel.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Doctor... Who?

Notadoctor Gillian McKeith: she provides us with so much innocent amusement that it's almost possible to forgive her for being an utter menace to the public understanding of science.

Almost, but not quite.

Submitted by "Emmer" - not a bad first effort, I'm sure you'll agree!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Neither hide nor hair

Submitted by the inimitable Dr. Danny Chrastina

You've all thought it, you know you have...

Submitted by vbloke, who clearly has a stronger stomach than most.

Actually, whilst I'd like to pretend to be dreadfully disapproving, I tried this on Day One but discovered my photoshop skillz weren't up to the jobbie! Fair play to vbloke for pipping me to the proverbial.

Hi everybody!

Submitted by Troubled Joe - keep 'em coming, folks!

I can't *believe* I never thought of using Dr. Nick Riviera... I will leave a reasonable interval before stealing this idea and captioning him myself!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Truth in advertising

Patrick Holford should need no introduction; but just in case he does, look here for the relevant story and here for all the background you'll ever need!
Submitted by Persiflage

Busy doin' nothin', busy the whole day through...

Submitted by Dr. Danny Chrastina - thanks!

Gone on to serve a higher power...

Yet another off-topic opportunity just too damn good to miss!
Submitted by Persiflage

One was so small, it was no cure at all...

Submitted by Andrew Clegg of the forum

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Kinesiology: a genuinely ancient art...

Submitted by Persiflage

Needles and pins...

It's a pity, but what with the compression, the needle wasn't visible in the image... Anyone out there want to volunteer image-wrangling services? It's not like you'd be putting anything into the picture that wasn't already there!
Submitted by Persiflage

Papal inflatability...

Alright, so it's not on topic and it isn't even the right damn meme, but I simply couldn't resist!

Edit: Posted @ loltheist - w00t!

Makin' ur kidz clevuh

Ah, fish oil, is there anything it can't do?

Actually, yes

Submitted by Andrew Clegg

Krugel and unusual punishment

Danie Krugel invented a wonderful "matter orientation system machine", operating on the principle of quantum sciencey things and powered by a battery hidden in his moustache, which can find anybody anywhere in the world with nothing but a DNA sample of some kind. It's really, really true. Most recently, he has been sticking his nose into the Madeleine McCann case. I expect he'll feature here really quite a lot, particularly if anyone can find any new photos of him...

Submitted by Andrew Clegg of the forums - thanks Andrew!

Makin u feel bettuh

Dr. Edward Bach...

He made flower remedies, but d'you know what? In a clinically-conducted trial survey questionnaire study carried out by top sciency people, it was revealed that not one single flower ever got better as a result!

So with no further ado - and thanks to grumpyolddog - lolquacks presents:

Monday, October 15, 2007

Royal blues...

Submitted by grumpyoldddog


Submitted by Gimpy of the forums

I'm feeling better already!

Eating healthily is FUN!

Evil Wireless Death Rays (TM) are coming for you!

No, Gillian, you can't...

Good old Sam Hahnemann - where would we be without him?